Grief counselor Emily J. Danekas and Saundra Neperud discuss a “memory book” tool that lets users upload photos with brief descriptions to process loss. Danekas explains that resulting tears are a healthy form of externalized mourning, and that actively engaging with grief this way — rather than avoiding it — supports genuine healing over time.
Emily J. Danekas begins by sharing her thoughts on the memory book feature, explaining that it’s a really cool component of the grieving process. She notes that pictures pop up constantly on our phones through various apps in different ways, and for her personally, being able to intentionally capture those pictures and moments — and put them in a place where she can readily access them — is a really great opportunity for engagement in grief, and more importantly, for mourning. She acknowledges that early in grief, looking at pictures can sometimes bring instant tears, but stresses that within the grief process and journey, that reaction is actually a good thing. The memory book works simply: you find a picture, load it into the app, and write a brief description of what was happening in that moment. You can even adjust the date so the memory is timestamped accurately. Once it’s there, it’s easy to access — you can open it up anytime, and every single picture brings back a memory of the person you lost. She describes this as a powerful, easy way to engage with your grief.
Saundra Neperud follows up by connecting this back to something Danekas had mentioned earlier — the concept of externalizing grief. She asks whether uploading a photo along with a sentence or two of description is part of that externalization process.
Danekas responds with an emphatic yes. She explains that whether someone is early in their grief journey or much further along, pictures can still bring about tears — and that’s exactly the point. Tears, she says, are an externalization of internal thoughts and feelings, and that counts as mourning. She reinforces that when we mourn actively, that active mourning is what eventually leads to healing. So, in her view, tears are a wonderful opportunity for mourning rather than something to be suppressed or avoided.
When my husband died, there was no grief support available to me. I had to find my way through grief and rebuild my life all on my own. I’m now on a mission to make sure that no one else has to go through grief alone.
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