A common myth is that death causes grief. In reality, loss causes grief. You can grieve for the loss of many things. The death of a loved one can be a huge loss, but it’s not the death itself that causes grief.
Imagine if one of your co-worker’s mom’s died. You only the met her mom once when she visited the office. You feel sorry for your co-worker, but you wouldn’t feel grief. Now change the scenario a little. You are best friends with your co-worker and grew up together. You were always at their house and knew their mom well. You even invited her to your wedding. In this scenario, when you learn of their mom’s passing you might experience grief. The person who died is the same person – your co-workers mom – but now you’ve lost that connection or relationship you had with her.
People who have been estranged from their parents for decades might not experience grief upon learning of the death of the parent. It’s more likely that they’ve already grieved the loss of that relationship years ago.
If a parent has been very ill and the illness has changed them – like Alzheimer’s for instance – it’s likely they’ve already experienced grief. They’ve lost so many parts of their parent, even though their parent is still alive.
You can grieve for the loss of a job or a career – especially if your sense of self is closely tied to that career. You can grieve the loss of your health – especially if it affects your abilities or mobility. You can grieve the loss of a marriage – even if the divorce was your choice.
What significant losses have you experienced other than death? Were you able to grieve that loss?
