Not all counselors are trained in grief—and that gap can make therapy feel confusing and unhelpful. Saundra explains why grief needs specialized care and how to find a therapist who actually gets it.
Something shocked me when I went to grief counseling: grief isn’t a required topic in most counseling programs. It’s an elective — and not many counselors even choose to take it.
That’s mind-boggling to me, because grief is part of life. It’s not just about death, either. Grief comes from any kind of loss — a job, your health, a future you thought you’d have. It’s one of the most universal human experiences there is, and yet it’s often treated as optional knowledge for the very people we turn to for help.
Grief Isn’t the Same as Mental Illness
Here’s the deeper issue: grief and mental illness aren’t the same, and they shouldn’t be treated the same way.
Grief is an acute event. It triggers physical, emotional, and life-altering changes that you have to work through — but it’s not like anxiety or depression, which tend to be long-standing issues with deep roots, identifiable patterns, and measurable progress over time. Grief is a different beast entirely, and it calls for a different approach.
When a counselor doesn’t have grief-specific training, that mismatch shows up fast.
My Own Experience
In my case, it felt like my counselor was throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what stuck. She’d bring in random printouts session after session — the kind of thing I could’ve found myself with a quick internet search. There was no clear direction, no sense of what we were working toward. It was confusing, and honestly, kind of frustrating.
I stopped after three sessions.
To be clear: I still believe grief counseling can be incredibly valuable. But it has to be with someone who actually has grief experience — someone who understands the goals, knows the underlying theory, and has walked this road with other people before.
How to Find the Right Support
If you’re looking for a grief counselor, here are two places to start:
- Do your own research. Check the resources page on our website for a list of clearinghouses where you can search for qualified grief counselors in your area.
- Let us match you. Our Unlocking Grief Intensive pairs you with a grief therapist suited to your specific needs and location. We support you through the entire process, which follows a structured four-session format — each session built around a clear, achievable goal.
Whatever path you choose, don’t settle for a counselor without grief experience. It can leave you feeling more confused and frustrated than when you started — and that’s not what healing is supposed to look like.
